A 16-year-old boy is on his phone and smiling – “Who’s the girl you’re talking to?”
A 25-year-old woman who is assertive of her boundaries – “God knows what’ll happen to the man you marry!”
A 9-year-old boy who has a lot of female friends – “Look at him, he’s got so many girlfriends already!”
A 7-month pregnant person has a gender reveal party – “It’s pink, it’s a girl!”
A mother trying to ask her daughter about her love life – “Do you have a boyfriend?”
A couple of friends trying to tease their friend – “How have you never liked anyone? Are you broken or something?”
A group of bullies picking on a student – “I hear he doesn’t like sex. What kind of freak are you?”
A parent to their male child – “Why do you behave like a girl? Why can’t you dress like a man?”
Everywhere we look, the same type of life is either being lived or being formed. This life consists of two individuals living together, with a specific relationship, distinct roles and responsibilities, and a specified purpose.
Any deviation from this was, and to a great extent still is, considered abnormal, unnatural, and sinful.
All of this translated into people from the queer community being termed as deviant. They were constantly told that they were sick, they needed treatments, and were considered criminals. They were made to face deep-rooted homophobia on an everyday basis. To this day, homosexuality is a crime in many countries.
The reason that not a lot of people were arrested for this “crime” were the restrictions that queer individuals put on themselves because of years of being told all this. They internalized the homophobia that they were subjected to, along with the heteronormativity that was established around them.
This led to, and still leads to, feelings of self-loathing and self-doubt within queer individuals. They not only began to question their identities, they began to hate it as well.
Thus, the number of queer individuals actually asserting and expressing their identities became very low.
But through years and years of protests and fights, the queer community is where it is today. Many countries in the world have not only legalized homosexuality, but also same-sex marriage.
However, this doesn’t mean that the fight is over. This doesn’t mean that the queer community has reached where it needs to. Just because homosexuality and same-sex marriage have been legalized, it doesn’t mean that homophobia has been eradicated.
But this blog isn’t about homophobia. This blog isn’t about how many people still think that queer identities are unnatural and sinful.
It’s about how these queer identities are addressed today.
Different departments of colleges hold fests every year. They organize different events related to their fields. They also choose themes that may or may not relate to their subjects.
On 14th February 2020, the English Literary Association of Delhi College of Arts and Commerce hosted their annual fest, Pantheon. This edition of the fest celebrated queer identities, with events such as panel discussions consisting of queer researchers, and documentary screening of Desire? - a movie about asexuality.
The theme of Pantheon 2020 was “Alternate Sexualities and Literature.”
The word “alternate” is used to refer to qualities that depart from traditional norms.
In various situations, queer identities and sexualities are referred to as alternate or alternative sexualities/identities.
If queerness is the alternate, then what is the norm?
Cis-gendered heterosexuality.
These semantics imply that cis-gendered heterosexuality is still the default, and queerness is a rare and peculiar characteristic.
The sexuality and identity that has been considered the norm for hundreds and hundreds of years is still the norm.
Another proof of heterosexuality still being the norm, something that is extremely personal to queer individuals: coming out.
“Coming out” is the act of telling other individuals about your queer identity or sexuality. So, if an individual told their friends that they identified as non-binary, they would be coming out to their friends.
Why does this reinforce the idea that cis-gendered heterosexuality is the norm?
In isolation, the act of announcing one’s sexuality or gender identity does not. However, it does when only queer individuals have to, and cis-het individuals don’t.
Because in the absence of a “coming out”, the individual is assumed to be a cis-het person.
These are incidents directly related to the queer community that reinforce the cis-het identity as a default. However, there are incidents which might not involve the queer community but still lead to a normalization of cis-het identities.
The change that the queer community has tried to bring about is the understanding that there is no norm when it comes to people’s sexuality. They’ve been tried to prove that they’re not alternate identities, that they’re just identities. But, given the situations we all exist in today, it seems that they haven’t been able to.
Looks like we’ve come full circle. The conversations we were opposed to decades ago are still the conversations we’re opposed to today.
A 16-year-old boy is on his phone and smiling – “Who’s the girl you’re talking to?”
A 25-year-old woman who is assertive of her boundaries – “God knows what’ll happen to the man you marry!”
A 9-year-old boy who has a lot of female friends – “Look at him, he’s got so many girlfriends already!”
A 7-month pregnant person has a gender reveal party – “It’s pink, it’s a girl!”
A mother trying to ask her daughter about her love life – “Do you have a boyfriend?”
A couple of friends trying to tease their friend – “How have you never liked anyone? Are you broken or something?”
A group of bullies picking on a student – “I hear he doesn’t like sex. What kind of freak are you?”
A parent to their male child – “Why do you behave like a girl? Why can’t you dress like a man?”
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