The queer community has long been thought of as a revolution. A community that seeks to shatter the basis for the society as we know it. The way we think of love, marriages, clothes, appearance. It seeks to change all of that. By that definition, it is a revolution.
At the same time, it is not a revolution. It is a community of people simply asking to be allowed to live the way they are, without that threatening their safety. It is a community of people just asking to be accepted the way they are.
But more than that, it is a community of people providing a safe space for others like them. It is a community of people accepting people as they are. It is a community of people who have been persecuted because of the same reason: differing from societal norms.
In that situation, one would expect the community itself to be accepting of differences. In that, the community accepts those differences and doesn’t attempt to put people into boxes or categories.
The haven that the community and its members can provide for its members is quite unmatched. However, even this haven can prove to be disappointing sometimes.
Pride parade. The parade that seeks to let all members of the community proudly express their identities. However, even this parade can prove to be a source of shame sometimes.
The flag of the queer community represents a beautiful idea. Each individual colour stands for a particular feeling, a particular emotion. When combined, they represent a community that has long been persecuted for their identity. Hundreds and hundreds of rainbow flags can be seen during the Pride parade, just floating in the air. However, it is accompanied by many other flags. Flags of the multitudes of identities and sexualities that are a part of the queer community. Different flags for the non-binary community, lesbian community, trans community, asexual community, and many more.
These flags are representative of their identities, and the reason that they’re so important to the members of those communities is because they finally have something to represent them. For a long time, they had been told that they were confused or the identity they said that they belonged to wasn’t real.
But there are many communities within the queer community that still struggle to find acceptance. Acceptance not just from their loved ones, but also from within the community. The fact that they struggle to find acceptance within the community doesn’t mean that they’re completely rejected by the community. This sometimes is the case, however, it is not the one in question right now.
As a pan-romantic individual, I struggle to accept my identity. Day in and day out, I see queer individuals. Day in and day out, I feel that I’m not queer enough. But Pride 2019 was a day that I wanted to be proud of my identity. I wanted to wave my flag, the pan-romantic flag, and express who I am. However, I struggled a lot to find what the pan-romantic flag looked like. Whenever I googled “pan-romantic flag”, I’d see the pansexual flag. Disappointed, I tried to ask my friends from the queer community. I asked a friend who also identified as pan-romantic, and the response I got was this:
When I asked them about panromantics who didn’t identify as asexuals, they said:
“All panromantics identify as somewhere on the ace spectrum.”
Saddened by this response, I stopped trying to look for my flag.
On the day of Pride, I asked a friend who identified as pansexual about the pan-romantic flag.
“It’s the same as pansexuality. Panromantics are a subset of pansexuals.”
After hearing this statement, I stopped. I took up my banner about the Trans Act, and I started marching.
This isn’t a one-off incident. This isn’t a few members of the queer community refusing to understand different sexualities and identities. Every day, members of the trans community, bisexual community are told hurtful things by fellow queer individuals.
The basis for the queer community was to accept people as who they are, to take them at their words for their identities and sexualities, to not put them into boxes or categories.
But this isn’t what is happening.
Members of the queer community are not accepting others. They themselves are trying to restrict queerness to certain definitions. And although this isn’t the entire community, even one person can cause irreversible damage. Because even if hundreds of people tell you that you’re accepted, just one person, especially from your own community rejecting you can be disastrous.
To be fair, they’re not rejecting these identities. They’re not telling you that you’re not queer. They’re simply saying that you can be queer just in a specific way.
You’re queer, but you’re not you.
You’re queer, but you don’t get to define you.
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